Lessons learned in pregnancy...

• Maternity pants are likely to make me lazy because they don't require buttoning or zipping...I hope I can remember those things once I move past maternity-wear.
• "Women don't fart until they're pregnant" (quote from my husband)
• Carrying a baby feels like stuffing a dodgeball beneath uncomfortably tight skin...insert a hairless squirrel into the dodgeball, and have it flail about periodically in a wave-pool of juices. Then, before lying in bed at night, strap a heavy watermelon to your stomach.  Lay down, and see if you can lay on your back for very long without feeling a little bit like you're suffocating.  Now roll from side to side periodically to get comfy, all the while balancing a pillow between your knees. (Also, imagine an achy pelvis and bruised ribs). 
• Babies respond to sugar in the womb just as much as they will out of the womb...don't give kids soda.
• Don't tell your wife you think she looks full-term when she still has 4 months to go.
• Don't register for every baby gadget on the market...
• Say "no" to underwires.
• If you're picking garden beans, don't straddle the rows; this may induce a pesky limp.
• If coffee makes you want to gag, try Chai Tea.
• It's okay to eat breakfast twice.
• Looking at the scale at the Doctor's office may cause tears.
• I've been told that "outie" belly buttons eventually recede.
• Sometimes laughing can turn instantly to bawling...particularly if your bladder betrays you.
• Be active, but don't overdo too quickly if you haven't done a particular exercise for a while.
• Seeing my belly move for the first time scared me (but now it's comforting and highly entertaining).
• Bending over doesn't squash the baby.
• Your body will probably feel foreign...
• Only you can choose your attitude (hard to remember at times when feeling icky).
• Sometimes I feel left out of certain activities and miss Ryan, but he feels left out when he's away too...grass isn't always greener...
• Always pack snacks, water, and extra clothes...
• Know where a bathroom is at all times (or a backyard in a pinch...)
• One of my pregnancy mottos: Why bend over when you can use your toes?
• If shaving your legs was a bit of a chore before...it still is...
• Expect to wet yourself at some point during pregnancy, but hope you're lucky enough to not...
• Embrace waddling.
• No woman wants to hear from a man that "birth can't be as bad as it's made out to be"...that's just playing with fire.
• Though it's often uncomfortable, I want to keep this baby safely growing inside for as long as he or she needs to be healthy.